Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Is there a switch?

I guess you could say that today was a hard day of parenting. Frustrating and discouraging. I am beginning to think there is a switch in her brain that turns on and off sweet loving Marissa to a very defiant Marissa. I've tried to change the way I do things but I just can't seem to win for losing. It is such a mystery that there are times, when I fall to the ground in tears, just wish I could figure this all out.

I am one of those people that try to find solutions, look for solving problems that are out of the box. I am an encourager, a cheerleader for my friends that are going through their own trials. But, I can't figure out my daughter. One of my friends today, said "chin up, Amy". That came to me in the middle of the battle tonight.

As much as I am sad right now, I am listening to her as she is in her bed singing, "Silent Night" at the top of her lungs and it brings a smile to my face. I do try to live each day as though it was her last. I always go back in after she calms down and tell her how much I love her and she says she loves me too. And just like that the switch goes back to my sweet loving Marissa.

Gotta love Autism.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Love.... Parenthood

I'm not sure if any of you have ever watched it but there is show called "Parenthood" on NBC. In the show, there is a boy named Max, who has autism. In last night's episode, (that I just watched because there is no way I can stay up past 10), Max calls his mom a "b*****" and begins throwing things at her. She gives him a punishment that he doesn't take so kindly to. As his way of trying to make up, he makes his mom dinner. He "makes"mac-n-cheese, carrots and puts a lot of other things on the table to fill it up. It was a remarkable moment for me as I watched it and I shed a tear as I thought about the future with Marissa. (For those of you who don't know- Marissa only eats pancakes, eggs, hash browns, mac-n-cheese and pizza).

I have a very good friend that is going through a very tough time. As I was writing her today, I was listing off the things that Marissa doesn't have or do. Like, she doesn't have friends, doesn't play with Barbies, and will never be able to have children. I will never be a grandparent and I don't know what her future truly holds for her. I think she could be successful and I want her to be successful but I honestly don't know what she will be capable of. But, as I think about the things that she doesn't do, I often neglect the things she can do. So, as I think of the moment in Parenthood when Max "made" his mom dinner- it reminded me of the special things that Marissa does for me. The simple hug, or the "I love you mom", or even just her smile. They may not happen for days at a time, but when they do, my heart melts. Sometimes is is just the simple things that make life a little sweeter. I hope that as we begin 2012, that each of you will look at the simple things your children do for you. Don't take one minute of it for granted. There are some moms out there that long for the those experiences.

Happy New Year!