This blog is a difficult one for me to write. I am writing this blog for my many friends who have infertility issues for various reasons. I am not going to do this topic any justice but God has placed in my life women who struggle to have a baby of their own. I have been feeling a nudge to write this and I can't tell you how many times I have sat at my computer and started it only to close my computer and walk away. I, myself, struggled with infertility for almost four years and this topic brings up a lot of painful memories for me.
I think that as woman sometimes we look at ourselves as flawed because we can't or have struggled to have children. I know that I did. I felt like I was worthless. We have gone to extreme measures to have children. Treatments. Medications. Sex based on current female conditions. We watch as other women can get pregnant instantly. Some of my friends have fostered children. In hopes, that just maybe this will be their "forever child". Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't and they are left empty hearted again. We end of feeling defeated. Lost. Depressed. Confined to our own hell that we have made for ourselves.
Recently, one of my dear friends, lost a baby after she had in vitro. Her husband and her saved money, in hopes that this would be their opportunity to be parents. My heart broke for theirs. I can't even begin to imagine how they would feel. Which is one of the reasons why I wanted to write this.
I know that some of you can read this and say, "you don't know what its like- you have a child". You are correct. But, I know of the struggle and I've seen God do work that only He can do. In my field of employment, I have met many women that can't have children. I've seen God work in their lives and give them hope beyond all measure. One of my closest friends, raised a son for two years only to have to give him to his maternal grandparents. God took her to the lowest of lows. Satan tried to divide her family. It was the worse experience to watch someone go through. It shook me to my core as a worker. But, because God is amazing, He blessed her with another son. I cannot even begin to describe how much that little guy means to me. Each time I see him, I am reminded that God works. We always don't understand it. But, He is always there. In every moment. In every day. In every breath we take.
There is a song by Plumb called, "Need You Now (How Many Times). The first verse says, "Well, every body's got a story to tell and every body's got a wound to be healed. I want to believe there's beauty here. So, I guess you're tired of holding on. I can't let go. I can't move on. I want to believe there's meaning here". The second verse says, "Standing on a road I didn't plan. Wondering how I got to where I am. I'm trying to hear that still small voice. I'm trying to hear above the noise".
I think of this and know that each of us has a story to tell. Only He knows the plan that is intended for us. We have to let God move us in the direction He has. We need to stop and listen to Him instead of getting caught up with all the negative things we have going through our heads.
The chorus simply says, "How many times have you heard me cry out, God please take this? How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing. Oh, I need you. God I need you now".
I love each of my dear friends. You know who you are. I know that God has a plan for each of you. You each are mother's in your own way. I hope that you find a little piece of hope in this blog. We are all weaved together in a perfect beautiful quilt for a reason and a purpose. I hope that even in the worst despair, God is next to you. He's walking and He's saying, "I got this".