A Dark Place

Anyone at anytime can enter a "dark place".  We each have circumstances in our lives that really take us for loop and set us back to the point of "I don't know what to do".  I am there.  I'm in a dark space.  I'm watching my beautiful daughter spiral out of control and everything that I try to do doesn't seem to help.  I almost feel like I am standing on the edge of a beach on the sand and watching her slipping out slowly into the ocean.  I try to save her.  I try different things for her to hang on and they might work for a minute and then she slips off of them going further and further away.  I'm helpless and hopeless at this moment.  

Fourth grade has been Marissa's most trying year.  She has began to hit her peers and staff.  Her behaviors are becoming worse and to the point where she is head bunting and kicking.  Yesterday, she grabbed her aide's arm and scratched it to the point it drew blood.  Today, she kicked her, while walking laps (a longer story that I'm not going to get into cause it makes my blood boil) and they both fell to the ground.  Injuries to both and now she is suspended from school.  Marissa told me what happened and didn't leave anything out, except for why.  

We've tried meds, behavior modifications, positive reinforcement….nothing works.  Nothing.  I honestly don't know what to do.  Nothing makes her excited.  Nothing makes her sad.  She doesn't want to hurt people, but I honestly feel like she doesn't know that she is.  She has no concept of pain on her own self.  She can't read emotion.  She can't gage her own emotions.  We are in the vicious cycle called Autism.  I can't even begin to comprehend what it is like in her little brain.  

Tonight, I am begging God to heal my baby girl.  As I was praying, God laid on my heart, Jeremiah 29:11-14, "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days, when you pray I will listen.  If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.  I will be found by you", says the Lord.  I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes.  I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land".  Lord, I am praying.  I am begging.  Please please please stop this aggressive behavior in my daughter.  Please Lord give us wisdom on how to help her.  Bring us out of this dark place of captivity and bring us to a land where she can prosper.  Where she can learn to identify the emotions to be free from what binds her.  Lord, heal my baby.